Comments on: The Ethical Slut Read-Along: Personal Background

By: Kit

Kit — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 00:35:49 +0000

@Dawn: Hi Dawn, Thanks for dropping in & commenting even late. It’s great that you seem interested in growing and learning more about relationships. Remember that jealousy is something even seasoned polyamorists struggle with sometimes, and it’s all a matter of learning about ourselves and practice. It does actually get easier with time, and as you learn to trust the people you are with. Shared happiness is a great goal of any relationship. Keep us posted on how this goes & whether you read the book.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 06:38:52 +0000

I know I am coming to this read along a bit later than when you did it but hope that it is alright that I attempt to participate…anywho, I have always thought of myself as a non-traditional monogamist. I have had many partners, participated with multiple partners, even allowed relationships to fluctuate as “on and off” while both parties would date others for a while. My first intro to polyamory was with someone who I had only sexual relations with since the idea of it scared me. I couldn’t quite let my emotions get involved with someone who I knew wouldn’t just be there for me. But he always was and that was something… surprising after years of horrible relationships based on lies and manipulation from my partners. These past relationships led to me now having a lot of mistrust, old pain, and easy jealousy. My second encounter with the idea of polyamory is with my current partner who has been poly but agreed to be monogamous with me while we get to know each other. I have talked with him quite a bit about it and this has spiked my interest in the book. If nothing else I do severely want to get over my jealousy and increase my self-love. I am also very keen on him being happy :)

By: Kit

Kit — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 22:39:50 +0000

Stacy:

It’s great to have you here and sharing your experiences. I think yours might be especially interesting to some readers, as it’s one I can’t speak to in the same way — taking a successful monogamous marriage and opening it up to become a successful polyamorous one. I definitely welcome any comments and stories you want to share as we write about this topic.

Of course there are many sluts out there who feel ‘trapped’ in monogamous situations, but as your experiences and (Arwen’s, above) suggest this is far from always the case. Although I can’t speak to the rest of the book yet, I think the second edition may have improved this some. The first edition opened with two long anecdotes about the authors’ bad experiences with monogamy, and I think this may have been a big turn off to a lot of readers they might have otherwise reached.

I’ve heard of the Ravenscroft book before, I’ll have to check it out someday.

Cheers,
Kit

By: Stacy

Stacy — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 22:01:10 +0000

Hey Kit,

Eric and I have been married now for 10 years. We discussed poly for most of them, but I wasn’t comfortable with the idea. I finally decided to green-light it about 3 years ago, and it’s been an interesting ride. A few lost friends and a lot of therapy later though, and I think we’re reaching a stable point, thankfully.

I read through part of ‘The Ethical Slut’ when we started out, and found the tone to be really off-putting. There seemed to be an attitude that people are only monogamous because they’re unimaginative, controlling, or in some other way psychologically or ethically damaged- or just small-minded. As someone who feels that monogamy is a perfectly fine choice for some people for part of even all of their lives, that was really grating.

But I have heard too many poly folks swear by this book, so I’m willing to at least follow along with your read-along.

For the record, my poly bible has been ‘Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful’ by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Cheers,
Stacy

By: Kit

Kit — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 03:59:39 +0000

@yookske: Welcome, Yookske. I hope you’ll gain a lot from the read-along too. I look forward to your input.

@Minishka: I think there may be people who can go either way — who can happily be monogamous and also adapt to polyamory. But I know for me, trying to do otherwise makes me feel trapped and unhappy. It’s not even that I want to constantly be looking for new partners — right now, for example, my plate is pretty full. But it’s the freedom and openness — the ability to be open to what life brings me that helps me feel free. Thanks for joining us!