5 Kinky Toys From the Office Supply Store

This is my second article about kinky toy shopping for the budget-conscious. For the first, read 5 Kinky Toys From The Dollar Store.

It may surprise you to learn that most writers don’t make a lot of money. This one certainly doesn’t. Since I love kinky sex, and I love sex toys, I’ve had to find a lot of creative ways to stretch my toy budget. I’m not very crafty, so unlike my friends I can’t really make toys from scratch (though Pet has crocheted me an excellent flogger). Even if you have more money than me, one’s lust can easily outpace one’s income, especially if you’ve just bought a new FunFactory Share or other luxury sex toy. That’s when it’s time to look for toys in an unusual place.

If you’re a nerd like me, you find the idea of office supplies a little bit arousing already but Pet & I paid a recent visit with an even more focused purpose — finding the best pervertibles Staples had to offer. Your results should be similar regardless of which big box store you choose.

1. Rulers

Look at this — a selection of paddles to put most sex shops to shame. Choose your poison: would you like metal, plastic, or wood with a nasty sharp edge? I had to buy one for a legitimate project and my pet couldn’t stop hitting herself with it till I took it from her and did it myself.  A ruler is a classic impact toy, with all kinds of wild associations. You and your play partner will probably adore this even before you add in teacher/student roleplay or Catholic school-girl outfits.

Cost: About $1 to $5

2. Cling Wrap

Unlike the stuff you buy at the supermarket, this comes in a truly humongous roll with a easy handle for application. Just get your sub to stand still and roll it on. You can wrap their entire bodies in this stuff — plastic wrap mummification combines bondage with a sense of snugness, while leaving your play partner’s tasty flesh on display. If you need access, just tear a few easy access holes. This is the stuff that fetish porn is made from, and with prices so cheap you can go into business for yourself.

Cost: About $15/roll

3. Giant-sized rubber bands

Rubber-band flicking isn’t just for mean schoolyard bullies. It’s also good fun for mean dominants and sadists. Normally, I’d say something fierce sounding here like “Your submissive won’t be laughing when you hit her in the nipple with one of these,” but the truth is that all the girls I see regularly are the kind of giggly masochists that laugh when I hurt them. At any rate, the cost-to-ouch ratio is good here.

Cost: $4.49 for 24 bands

4. Permanent Markers

It used to seem like Sharpies and other brands of permanent markers came in only a couple colors like red or black. Now you can find a rainbow of bright eye-catching options, even multi-colored sets. Grab a few, then tie your lover down so the canvas will hold still. If you’re both into humiliation you can leave a few choice comments, or you can just let your creative side go wild. Either way it’ll leave your lover with something to remember you by.

Cost: About $1

5. Duct Tape

Just like Sharpies, duct tape isn’t all grey anymore. Now what was seedy bondage for faux-kidnapping scenes has become the restraint of choice for the fashion-conscious pervert on a tight budget. Duct tape can be used to restrain legs and arms, to bind a lover to furniture, or as a gag. Of course it provides an added sadomasochistic thrill when it is pulled free. Oh, and let’s not forget the Duct Tape Corset!

Cost: About $5-$8 depending on size of roll

If one went on a wild office supply spending spree, all these new playthings would cost only about $30. Whether you want an inexpensive way to dabble in a little kink or just want to make your dollar go a little further, sex toys are all around us.

In future installments, I plan to visit a craft store, the hardware store and that awesome beacon of crass capitalism, Wal-Mart.

If you enjoyed this article, check out Kit’s stories Lifting the Veil” and “An Orgasm.” Follow Kit on Twitter at twitter.com/kitoconnell.

Comments (20)

  1. Shanlea wrote:

    Yum yum and yum! All but the rubber bands. My nips are way too sensitive…

    Hrmmmm, giggling subs….it’s soooooo cute!

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm #
  2. Kit wrote:

    @Shanlea: I know they are just adorable.

    As for the rubber bands, I don’t think your nipples are the ONLY target I could aim for… And there’s binder clips, which I somehow left off this list.

    Thanks for your comment.

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm #
  3. *crosses legs* Owww. I’ve been hit with very whippy plasic rulers before. They leave awesome marks, and are great if you like sting, but I prefer thuddy stuff.
    Pixel Kitten recently posted..Pleasurists 120

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm #
  4. Kit wrote:

    @Pixel Kitten: But do you really hate sting, or do you just love to hate it? ;)

    Thanks for your comment.

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm #
  5. No, I really do hate it. :P I can take it to a certain degree, but it’s not a sensation I enjoy, and if I’m not restrained I’ve been known to turn around and take the stingy toy away from whomever is using it on me, lol. (I switch, and lean top for the most part. Being submissive is all rather new to me!)
    Pixel Kitten recently posted..Pleasurists 120

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm #
  6. Kit wrote:

    @Pixel Kitten: I love thuddy! and I love knowing other switches. Switches really can have a lot of fun with each other. :D

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 6:25 pm #
  7. Mizz Honey J wrote:

    Sigh…office supplies. I knew there was a reason I always want to go down that aisle.

    Number three…big, big yes!

    And thanks for the link to the duct tape corset. I’ve always wanted to make one, but my idea was a little more scaled down.

    Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 9:09 pm #
  8. skip wrote:

    Dont forget about Dom Depot!

    (home depot) place has all sorts of fun pervertibles

    Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 2:58 am #
  9. Kit wrote:

    No worries. Kinky hardware will definitely happen.

    Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 3:00 am #
  10. skip wrote:

    oh and you can get the kling wrap for 7 a roll at uhaul, and it comes with a spinning handle instead of a cardboard tube.

    Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 3:00 am #
  11. Kit wrote:

    @Skip: Good tip, thanks.

    Wednesday, March 9, 2011 at 3:02 am #
  12. Char wrote:

    I’m soo excited that you did an article about office supplies, but I’m going to punch you out for going to STAPLES! You should have come to the MAX! :)

    Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm #
  13. Kit wrote:

    @Char: Alas… The Max is not in easy biking distance of my house like a Staples is. So do you think I left any crucial items off the list, since you have all day to stare at the supplies?

    Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 6:54 am #
  14. Great post! Don’t forget about binder clips for some really intense nipple play . . . or really intense anywhere I decide to put them! ;)

    Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm #
  15. Kit wrote:

    @Justine: Binder clips are definitely the top toy I left off this post. I’m going to sneak them into the Wal-Mart post I do later… Thanks for your comment!

    Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm #
  16. Great suggestions!!

    Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 1:34 am #
  17. Absurdist wrote:

    What, no binder clips? They’re way more versatile than clothespins…

    Monday, June 13, 2011 at 6:24 pm #
  18. Kit wrote:

    @Absurdist: Binder clips are definitely the worst omission from this list. They will sneak onto a future list…

    Monday, June 13, 2011 at 6:26 pm #
  19. Anonymous wrote:

    hi

    Friday, November 18, 2011 at 10:27 am #
  20. michael v holmes wrote:

    give me more!

    Thursday, December 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm #

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