This is my second article about kinky toy shopping for the budget-conscious. For the first, read 5 Kinky Toys From The Dollar Store.
It may surprise you to learn that most writers don’t make a lot of money. This one certainly doesn’t. Since I love kinky sex, and I love sex toys, I’ve had to find a lot of creative ways to stretch my toy budget. I’m not very crafty, so unlike my friends I can’t really make toys from scratch (though Pet has crocheted me an excellent flogger). Even if you have more money than me, one’s lust can easily outpace one’s income, especially if you’ve just bought a new FunFactory Share or other luxury sex toy. That’s when it’s time to look for toys in an unusual place.
If you’re a nerd like me, you find the idea of office supplies a little bit arousing already but Pet & I paid a recent visit with an even more focused purpose — finding the best pervertibles Staples had to offer. Your results should be similar regardless of which big box store you choose.
1. Rulers
Look at this — a selection of paddles to put most sex shops to shame. Choose your poison: would you like metal, plastic, or wood with a nasty sharp edge? I had to buy one for a legitimate project and my pet couldn’t stop hitting herself with it till I took it from her and did it myself. A ruler is a classic impact toy, with all kinds of wild associations. You and your play partner will probably adore this even before you add in teacher/student roleplay or Catholic school-girl outfits.
Cost: About $1 to $5
2. Cling Wrap
Unlike the stuff you buy at the supermarket, this comes in a truly humongous roll with a easy handle for application. Just get your sub to stand still and roll it on. You can wrap their entire bodies in this stuff — plastic wrap mummification combines bondage with a sense of snugness, while leaving your play partner’s tasty flesh on display. If you need access, just tear a few easy access holes. This is the stuff that fetish porn is made from, and with prices so cheap you can go into business for yourself.
Cost: About $15/roll
3. Giant-sized rubber bands
Rubber-band flicking isn’t just for mean schoolyard bullies. It’s also good fun for mean dominants and sadists. Normally, I’d say something fierce sounding here like “Your submissive won’t be laughing when you hit her in the nipple with one of these,” but the truth is that all the girls I see regularly are the kind of giggly masochists that laugh when I hurt them. At any rate, the cost-to-ouch ratio is good here.
Cost: $4.49 for 24 bands
4. Permanent Markers
It used to seem like Sharpies and other brands of permanent markers came in only a couple colors like red or black. Now you can find a rainbow of bright eye-catching options, even multi-colored sets. Grab a few, then tie your lover down so the canvas will hold still. If you’re both into humiliation you can leave a few choice comments, or you can just let your creative side go wild. Either way it’ll leave your lover with something to remember you by.
Cost: About $1
5. Duct Tape
Just like Sharpies, duct tape isn’t all grey anymore. Now what was seedy bondage for faux-kidnapping scenes has become the restraint of choice for the fashion-conscious pervert on a tight budget. Duct tape can be used to restrain legs and arms, to bind a lover to furniture, or as a gag. Of course it provides an added sadomasochistic thrill when it is pulled free. Oh, and let’s not forget the Duct Tape Corset!
Cost: About $5-$8 depending on size of roll
If one went on a wild office supply spending spree, all these new playthings would cost only about $30. Whether you want an inexpensive way to dabble in a little kink or just want to make your dollar go a little further, sex toys are all around us.
In future installments, I plan to visit a craft store, the hardware store and that awesome beacon of crass capitalism, Wal-Mart.
If you enjoyed this article, check out Kit’s stories “Lifting the Veil” and “An Orgasm.” Follow Kit on Twitter at twitter.com/kitoconnell.
