I review sex toys for theirtoys.com. You can find the Dr. Joel Prostate Massager and other anal vibrators on their site. Disclaimer: Although I am not paid for these reviews, I do receive free sex toys.
I feel a little bad about this review because it is the first I am writing for a new (to me) vendor — theirtoys.com. I was contacted by their very friendly Blogger Relations Specialist about joining their reviewer program. She asked what kind of toys I was interested in and suggested a few. I confess I didn’t look at this one as carefully as I could have before selecting it. I try to review only safe, quality toys on here but perhaps reading what is wrong with this toy will be educational.
The Dr. Joel Prostate Massager is (in theory) an anal toy, obviously geared primarily towards men (since cisgendered women don’t have prostates). Like many cheaper sex toys, it is sold for novelty use only; while many toys are still fine despite this label this didn’t turn out to be one of them. A safe anal toy should have a flared base to prevent it from being drawn too deeply into the body.
Even if the shape were safe — which it isn’t — I’d still take issue with it. I love anal stimulation, but my favorite toys are made from firm but still yielding silicone. This hard plastic toy has some rough looking ridges near the bend that look both uncomfortable for anal play and likely to collect dirt and gunk. It’s also kind of unattractive — because it’s clear you are able to see a big dollop of gross looking white gunk, glue or some byproduct of manufacture, in the tip of the one I was sent. Finally, despite having a twistable power control, there are no variable speeds; this toy is either on or off.
Obviously after examining the toy I wondered about ‘Dr. Joel Kaplan,’ the endorser of this toy. Though I follow the writing of many sexperts, the name was not familiar to me. At least not in this field — a brief wikipedia search yielded Joel Kaplan but I quickly discarded this — as funny as it is to imagine President George W. Bush’s Deputy Chief of Staff endorsing ass toys. Instead the toy is endorsed by this charmer, a quack that sells penis enlargement devices while asking for legal troubles by advertising that his impossible claims are ‘FDA approved.’ In fact, his ‘Megavac’ penis enlargement scam was the recipient of an FDA warning in 2001.
Still, even if I wasn’t eager to use it for its marketed purpose, I thought this toy might redeem itself: Many prostate toys work great as g-spot toys, and firmer toys can often be great for this purpose. In fact, this prostate massager is almost exactly the same shape as some other toys currently being marketed for g-spot use. So I took advantage of a visit from an out of town lover and used this toy with her.
This lover ejaculates fairly frequently and has a sensitive g-spot so I hoped she might enjoy the toy. But when we put it to the test it was pretty unimpressive. She preferred her own fingers to the feel of this toy on her clit, and even though the vibrations are relatively targeted, my fingers also seemed to do a better job on her g-spot. She really loved it on her nipples, but almost any vibrating egg would be a less expensive and probably better choice for that purpose.
“Maybe I just am not used to sex toys since I don’t use them much,” questioned my lover as we discussed the toy.
“No,” I answered. “I just don’t think it’s a very good toy.”
Sadly, this sums up my feelings about the Dr. Joel Prostate Massager. This toy may be downright dangerous for anal stimulation and there are much better g-spot toys for the price. Save your toy budget for something better — not only will you not be stuck with a bad toy, but you’ll also keep money out of the pockets of an unethical medical practitioner.
