Category: Burning Man

Shredded Hate Bacon is a heavy metal band consisting of a number of Flipside’s finest. Kristen was the head “Baconette” (the SHB go-go dancers). Another Baconette and I were helping her unwind and Pyropolize after her arrival Friday evening when a crazy plan was hatched. At first, Kristen invited me to be a male baconette, an amusing concept to be sure but then we arrived at a far more brilliant notion. I could be the “bacon bitch” and cook actual bacon for the Shredded Hate Bacon show.

Most of you know I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian. Not only do I not normally eat bacon, but I usually go out of my way to avoid even touching meat. It’s kind of like dealing with cat litter — it’s OK if I gotta, but I hurry into the bathroom to wash my hands up afterwards. The idea of volunteering to cook bacon for a few hours was definitely across my boundaries. So that’s just what I did.

I didn’t just cook it though — I danced around with it. My face was bathed in the bacony smell rising off the pan for two hours. I waved the grease covered spatula in the air like a madman. I grabbed fistfuls in my bare hands. I ran through the crowd yelling ‘Bacon!’ and offering it up like the finest ambrosia. Near the end of the set while I cavorted between the Baconettes in front of the stage, bacon bowl atop my head, I lost my balance and dumped the greasy bowl on the ground and splashed it on myself.