Since my last installment of this series, I’ve gotten slightly less broke. I am no longer scraping pennies together to make rent anymore — I have whole quarters now — but after food, board, and libations there’s not much left to afford that fancy electrostim kit I’m lusting after. Even as a sex toy reviewer, some things I’d love to play with are just out of reach, so I put a little creativity into my search for kinky toys and share the results with my blog readers.
I’ve always been a kitchen nerd, and any deviant that’s spent time there knows that it is full of potential pervertibles. That makes restaurant supply stores doubly fun for me to visit, and happily many are open to visits from amateurs like myself. Mizz Honey J and I visited two restaurant supply stores in Austin which are open to the public and you should find similar supplies at your local equivalent.
We already covered wooden spoons and other basic kitchen utensils in our Dollar Store installment, and believe me the restaurant supply store has a wicked selection available. It wouldn’t be fair to repeat, however, so how about paddles? Yes, they actually call them paddles. Officially speaking, they’re for scooping rice, moving baked goods around, stirring massive pots of boiling liquids, and so on. But we think you can probably find a better use for a sturdy piece of wood in these shapes.
Cost: $5 – $30 and up depending on size and material.
2. Turkey Basters
The humble and neglected turkey baster is not just for clichéd lesbians in lowest common denominator comedies. In a pinch, it actually works as a homebrew version of the lube shooter as a way to prepare for anal sex or other forms of anal play. The kind with the plunger (not pictured) works better, but this kind is perfect for Thanksgiving-themed roleplay (already the subject of roughly a dozen fetishes on FetLife). Just make sure to leave off the pointy metal tip, if included.
Cost: $2.85 for the cheap version
3. Frosting Spreader
This unassuming kitchen implement deserves a special highlight due to its versatility. Like many kitchen tools, it is quite cruel when used for spanking or impact play. However, used skillfully with a blindfolded submissive it can also make for an excellent pretend knife for erotic roleplaying situations where a real one would be unsafe or inappropriate. It can also be put in the freezer or under warm water for temperature-based sensation play. Finally, you can use it to spread frosting on your lover.
Think back to your last art class or the last time you painted — if you’re anything like me you couldn’t resist feeling the bristles of a nice clean brush on your hand or arm. Brushes are great toys for sensation play — rub them on nipples, genitals, or any sensitive part of the human body. Of course, they’re also great for use with body paints and edibles like chocolate. Best of all, the restaurant supply store offers several different sizes and textures, even weird knobby basting brushes.
Cost: From about $3 to $10 based on size and material.
5. Meat Tenderizer
Honey suggested it would be fun to bruise her ass with one of these. Did I mention she’s a bit of a masochist?
If you went on a wild restaurant supply shopping spree, not only will you get the same curious looks we did on our research trip, but you’ll only have spent about $30, less than the cost of a single high-end paddle.
In a future installment of this series, Pet and I will visit a crafting store to see if we can get suspicious looks for our behavior in the woodcrafting aisle.