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Polyamorous Dating on OKCupid: Conclusion

Posted in OKCupid, Polyamory, and Sex & Relationships

This is part seven of a seven part series on using OKCupid for the non-monogamous and others seeking polyamory or open relationships. It is cowritten with Molly ReneThis week: Other dating sites, and our last thoughts.

Polyamorous Dating on OKCupid is a 7-part guide for the non-monogamous or those seeking open relationships.

Table of Contents

  1. Introduction / What Is OKCupid?
  2. Writing a Dating Profile
  3. Answering Match Questions
  4. Finding People on OKCupid
  5. Meeting People on OKCupid
  6. Extra Features of OKCupid
  7. Conclusion: Finding Polyamorous Love

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Finding Polyamorous Love

When it comes to any Internet dating site, there is a great deal you can’t control. The amount of people open to queer, kinky, or non-monogamous dating will vary a great deal from place to place. Cities like San Francisco or Austin will offer more options than small towns. Big city polys will have many people to choose from who are already looking for open relationships, but others may have to settle for educating the open-minded.

In my experience, while I have met many great people on OKCupid most of them have been female, and most of those have also been submissive. Since I have more difficulty meeting compatible queer men and dominants of any gender offline too, its hard for me to say if it is OKCupid’s fault.

Though I believe OKCupid is the best website for alternative lifestyle dating, there are a couple of others worth mentioning:

  • PolyMatchmaker — Though I met a long time partner on this site years ago, I stopped using it because I felt most of its user base were polyfidelitous couples looking for bisexual women. When I visited again for this series, it had become a ghost town with less than a dozen active users in my large, poly-friendly city.
  • FetLife — FetLife is not a dating site, but a social networking site for people interested in BDSM, kink, and fetish. FetLife’s creators have deliberately left out the ability to search like on a dating site, and discourage “meat market” behavior. It is possible to meet people on FetLife, but it takes a much more careful and social approach. Many FetLife members who are seeking new relationships use the same username on both sites, or link from FetLife to OKCupid.
  • AdultFriendFinder — I know some people meet lovers on this paid dating site. Note, however, that OKCupid used to have a great article showing mathematically and financially why you should never pay for a dating site, until they got bought out by, a paid site.

Molly says: I’ve used tons of dating sites and I find OKC to hands down be the best. This is for two reasons. First, the website is really well designed, easy to use, and has a lot of great options. Secondly, the site draws from a young(er) crowd who tend to be smart, tech savvy, and generally open-minded.

From both your authors: We hope this guide has helped you meet people, or at least given you a better understanding of OKCupid and how poly people can use it. We’re always open to answering your questions — you can find Kit O’Connell at and Molly Rene at We look forward to hearing your stories and tips for online dating.

Creative Commons License

Copyright © 2011 Molly Rene and Kit O’Connell. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.

This license applies ONLY to this guide, not to other parts of this site unless otherwise noted.

This concludes our OKCupid Guide. Please send us your feedback (or your donations)! In the coming weeks, this guide will be released as an eBook.


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